Out of Control Lifestyle


Do you feel out of control sometimes?

Do you get frustrated with the things you attempt to control knowing or quickly realizing that you can only do your part and cannot control a situation?


When we feel out of control or have no control over certain things, we become frustrated, irritiated, undone. 


Out of control or in control…It is a stressor of life until you realize this secret! This is a good news/ bad news scenario. 

The bad news? There is not a whole lot in life we can control.

The good news? There is not a whole lot in life we can control.

Okay. Sounds crazy, I know, but hang in there with me. The whole issue of control is just a perspective shift. 


I want to challenge you to make a perspective shift. 

Cling to the perspective that it is good news that there is not a whole lot in life you and I can control! That is really good news. 

It lets us off the hook. How is that you ask?

As we let ourselves off the hook, from being a champion for every cause; from taking care of everyone’s problems, from attempting to control everything in our realm…we learn this is really good news.

Because there is a whole lot in life that is not within our control, 

though we would like to…

For instance…we cannot control-

how our children behave 100% of the time. 

how our spouse interacts in social events

how politics are done

how people treat one another…and the list goes on. I would imagine you can think of more scenarios of things we would like to control. 

So what IS within our control? A very powerful bit is within out control.

Our thought life is within our control.

How we manage our thought life is within our control.

Our response to life circumstances and happenings and outcomes, this is within our control.

We each are in charge of our thought life. 

We each are in charge of how we will manage our thoughts and how we will fill our minds. What diet will we feed our minds and brains. This is within our control.

How we respond to things is within our control.

The things we can control are all amazingly powerful things. 

And we can, to a degree, control how we spend our time. 

We can control our thoughts and our responses and the actions that follow our thoughts. Which leads me to three key words as it applies directly and specifically to our individual lives…here are the three perspective changing words—-remember, these three words apply to our thoughts, our responses, our actions…the three words?…

“I am responsible”

Responsible for my thought life,

responsible for my actions and 

responsible in my response to circumstances and outcomes.

These are the areas of life that are within our ability to control. And therefore we can say:

•I am responsible.” I am responsible for my thought life and what I fill my mind with.

•I am responsible for my actions and how I choose to treat others. 

•I am responsible and it is with in my control to determine my response in any given circumstance. 

•I am responsible for how I will spend the 24 hours given to me each day. 

More good news…

I hereby relieve you of the idea that you must be in control of and responsible for everyone else. I encourage you to work on the areas of your life that you can control. 

Choose what to think on—-what brain food are you feeding your hungry mind?

We can fill it with dark and angry things. There certainly is an open buffet menu of that around us. Or we can fill and feed our mind with positive things, true things, things that edify, encourage and help grow. 

We can choose what to listen to and with what we fill our mind; 

For instance…what type of music with its powerful message do you choose?

What type of podcast, what type of opinion journalism (I cannot call it news reporting because it is no longer that)…do we pay attention to?

What I am suggesting is something that must be practiced. Just as our physical bodies need nourishment to function well and enjoy good health, so too our minds. And science confirms what we already know, that our mind and our bodies are interlinked. 

Our bodies, in a sense, are our avatar while our mind, our soul, indwells our avatar. How we care for our body, our avatar impacts our mind and soul. Just as what we fill our mind impacts our soul and how we move about life in our body/avatar. 

Beaten down with stinking thinking is eventually revealed in our care of our body…such as never really getting dressed, not walking about with confidence and joy. Stinking thinking is within our control to exterminate! But it takes work.

Choose how you will respond to any given situation. This is not to say you must anticipate each situation, but that you purpose to respond in a positive light rather than worst case scenario or negative light. 

Let me give you examples from my life…

Choose how you will spend your days. There are commitments such as work and childcare/love. And we need time for sleep and nutrition. We choose how to fill the hours amidst the commitments. 

Daily delight has been something I encourage the ladies of FeSociety to do. Why? Because it not only is good for us physically and mentally it also nourishes our soul. The challenge to pursue 20 minutes of delight each day and it pays off in huge dividends as well as it affects those around you too. The daily delight challenge simply requires you to do something for 20 sustained minutes, something that you enjoy…whether is reading your book, watching a movie, sitting on a park bench and enjoying the fresh air, coffee with a friend…each and every day.

In essence, you are getting your cup filled so you can pour into others lives. 

Daily delight is within our contol, a choice…to add it to how you will spend some of your 24 hours.

Choices. In summary, the things that are in our control are:

What we will think on

How we will respond

What words we will use

How we will spend our days and the actions or deeds within our days…

What will you think on

affirmations. If you were to journal all your thoughts, what might you find? Are they positive, life giving and life building thoughts? Just think of some of the self talk you do. Do you honor and celebrate your daily accomplishments regardless of the size and scope, or do you more often remind yourself of the negative messages heard through the years…?

To begin the practice and cultivation of positive thoughts, I like to use index cards with statements that encourage me. 

We need to speak to ourselves as we would speak to others that we care about. 

For instance….with exercise- an affirmation—- Every day I exercise I get stronger and more healthy.  (not this) I need to exercise so I won't be/stay fat. 

or this affirmation—- I will read one Psalm and one Proverb each day   

  (not this) I haven't yet done this but I need to do this so I am better person. Or I should do this every day. 

Eliminate any negative bend on your message to yourself. Write down the messages you want to speak to yourself. Look for ANY negative bent. Then rewrite it. 

If you need help you can DM me at FeSociety on either IG or FB. I would be happy to help you here!

Brain food, books, podcasts, music, all impact our thought life. If you are ready to make a change it is time to do an evaluation then a clearing house of what you fill your mind with. What you put in your mind will spill out in words and action.

What kind of diet are you giving your mind?

How will you respond?

think of the other persons story…try to put yourself in their shoes before responding. This prevents us from responding in irritation, annoyance or anger because their story, their opinion, their perception differs from yours no matter how strong your conviction is that you are right. 

Ask the other person more about their story (yes, they may use the contemporary catch phrase of: their truth, but we know it is story, perception and opinion) and listen intently. Listen. Ask questions. Be slow to respond…

This too takes practice. But any thing worth pursuing takes effort. This will pay off hugely in your relationships.

What words will you use?

practice positive, uplifting words

Slow to speak. Slow to respond. Slow things down on your end and allow yourself time to formulate words that are for edification aka building others up. With practice and over time, you will change your default response from the negative to the positive. 

How will we spend our days

your schedule, your time, your days are within your choice and power to control. There are work day hours, childcare/family time, sleep, meals…we have some ability to control these events…but more importantly, how will you use your time?

Mealtime & family time…we have the power and bit of control how this time is spent. Is it hurried and hectic with a dash of chaos or perhaps non-existent? It is within your sphere and realm of control to change this. This goes for time with children…time with family. 

Sleep. This is a priority because our brains more than our body, needs the average 8 hours of sleep each night to function well. This is within our control, at least a bit, how we use our nighttime ritual to cultivate good sleep. Limit blue screen time. Eliminate blue screen at least an hour before bed. Wind down from work…no working right up until you hit the hay. There are things we can control in the nighttime ritual that will help with sleep. 

Work day. Your employer or yourself if you are an entrepreneur, dictates the hours you work each day/week. But within those hours is flexibility how you spend the time.

The remaining time, how will you spend it? 

It is within our control to choose what to do with these hours. On average…we each have a surplus of 30 hours a week! How will you use this gift of time?

Lets make it purposeful, living life with intent. 

These things are within our control. BUT it is a weary process of change on our own. The only true way to have this sustainable change is to have a new nature, a new mind, a new life!

When you get a new home item like a vacuum cleaner or closet organizer or toys for your children, there is almost always manufacturers directions. The designer of the product provides directions to put the item together and lets you know how it is best used via design.

So too with our life. Humanity is by design! The Manufacturer of life knows how best we live according to His design. 

To be fully satisfied, we must be fully fulfilled in our nature and this is done in Christ alone. Created in His image, by design, we are most happy and fulfilled living life according to the manufacturers directions. 

So first, we love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength.

Then to love others falls far more easily in place

We learn to put off the old way of living (aka self-centered, self-absorbed) and put on the new way of living in Christ Jesus. This still requires some self focus in that we reflect and meditate

and no longer let things that hinder our purpose remain in our life. What might these be? It is a personal thing; specific to each of us. For some, it may be absorbed with gym time and getting a ripped body. For others, it may be eating not for nourishment but to ‘feel better’. For some it may be absorption with being the best mom/stay-at-home mom/homeschool mom. These are good things as long as they are not all consuming things that hinder us from our God-ordained purpose in life.

Renewing our mind

The areas within our control are the areas that Jesus asks us to surrender to Him. And in so doing, there is peace, there is purpose, and there is a sigh of relief that we don’t have to fix it all. We do our part…filling our mind and our thoughts with good things…and making our words go through this same gatekeeper of evaluation…before you reply to someone or even want to speak things…ask yourself -

Is what I want to say: true? Is it honorable? Is it commendable? Is it just?

In otherwords, is it of good benefit to the listener? 

and in doing our part, we then allow God to do His work in our life.

Because to love others well, we must first love God. Loving God and abiding in His presence, is what empowers us to reach out to others in love and compassion. 

Out of control? It is an uncomfortable feeling, to put it mildly. Like a whirling dervish, we try to do so many things, fix so many things, control so many things that we left feeling undone and out of control. And sometimes our emotions run amuck. Not a pleasant place to be or dwell. 

And sometimes we are frustrated at the lack of control in life.  It is annoying UNTIL we remember, this frustration signals that we are picking up things that are not ours to deal with! 

Today I end this blog post encouraging you to-

Control what is in your realm to control:   

Your thought life, your response life, your action in life and how to spend your time…

I am here to help you in this journey. To awaken to the purpose of your life. 

Drop me a DM on FeSociety either on IG or on FB if you would like the opportunity to work with me. I am here for you. 

Robert Vernon