Truth in Our Identity


‘A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.’ Iris Murdoch 

Each of us is designed with a beauty all our own. A beauty that is unique to our very being and starts not in the mirror, but in our mindset. One of the biggest troublemakers you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror each day while your mind speaks lies to her.

Do you embrace your identity and your beauty? Are you blooming in all your glory, right where you are? 

Since I am speaking of flowers, I will use one of my favorite agricultural terms, cultivate.  Cultivate is defined as a verb meaning to prepare and use (as in land for crops etc.) It also means to acquire or develop. 

Cultivate beauty. It starts in your mind, not in the mirror. And though our mirror self sees just the outer beauty, I am mostly referring to the inner beauty that spills out into our countenance and how we show up I life. 

Beauty. Physical beauty. We admire it. Pursue it. Cling to it in attempt to hold onto it. But this elusive thing called beauty is fleeting. And some days we feel beautiful and other days, not so much. The beauty I encourage us to pursue is not (just) the focus on what is seen but the interior beauty To cultivate this beauty we must begin in our mind. What we speak to our heart and soul each day has the capacity to cultivate in us a heart of peace and love. And when we see our mirror self, we can more easily proclaim loveliness for what we have to offer. The outward polish is nice, but it is not the defining beauty. The make-up and hair care and clothing  are to frame who we are…our natural beauty that starts in the interior work of our heart and mind.

Our culture tells us we become less valuable and less important as we age. I am here to proclaim, 'This is a damn lie!’ Our society focuses on the exterior form of beauty in our youth obsessed culture. So as we age, we hear messages and perhaps repeat them to ourselves that we are ‘getting old’, shouldn’t do this or do that. We are told we don’t really have much to offer. One only has to search for photos of middle aged women or olde women to learn that we are not just diminished but often not represented; unless of course it is an advertisement on bladder incontinence, or cover the grey, or botox the wrinkles, or women in wheelchairs or walkers. This message is powerful and many of us claim it as truth. 

I am here to say that repetition as evidence damages the soul. Just because a message to us is repeated does not make it true. Just because we are underrepresented in our culture doesn’t mean that we are not important. We have much to offer and much to contribute

A quote worth repeating by an uknown author, ’I need not do any ‘great thing’ only be faithful in each thing…’We are all created unique and with purpose. Our job? Be faithful in what we are called to do at each and every age of our life. We do not need to use the comparison measuring rod of what is great or small. 

‘Our gifts, our talents and our abilities are custom designed, one of a kind!’

Your value is more than you realize.

What are some of the things you say about yourself, proclaiming them as truth? Perhaps these were messages a family member said in passing. Perhaps these were words classmates said or nickname that stuck.

And if you repeat these over time until they are absorbed in your soul, you find that you think is part of your identity. And this too applies to the process we call aging. As we approach each new decade of life, we are told many things. Cling to truth. Reject the lies of a culture that venerates youth (but this too is a lie as many models are in fact teenagers made up to be young, youthful adults or adults with their humanity airbrushed away!) while discounting what we have to offer.  Remember, your value is more than you realize! And when you realize and embrace your value, you are an amazing force for a life filled with joy and purpose. The people in your sphere of influence will be blessed to have you in their lives!

Don’t allow your feeling of being ‘less than’ prevent you from enjoying the life before you. If you are feeling stuck and don’t know how to move from feeling diminished to flourishing…Reclaim Your Relevance group coaching for women is right for you! For more information check out 


Robert Vernon